I was alive because I was trying

A few days after my accident, I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. I guess any other person would have woken up with a jerk, but with all my body paralyzed and my head, the only part I could move, pinned with huge weights drilled into my skull, I was in no position to do anything with a jerk.

Anyway I woke up to a pitch dark room. I could not see anything. I could not move a muscle or feel a thing. I could not hear a sound. I was not allowed to eat or drink anything. And my throat was so dry that I could not speak a word or produce a sound either. As for breathing, in hindsight, I guess I must have been breathing, but at that time, I was not sure. So, I simply lay there and wondered if I was alive. Because what does it mean to be alive anyway? Doesn’t it mean being able to see, hear, speak, feel, move, and eat? Plants are alive too but then, at least they are growing, getting nutrition, reproducing and according to some scientists, even feeling. I was not doing any of these things, or at least I wasn’t conscious of any of them.

But I was alive. Without doing any of these things, I was alive. And now I know the answer to the question I asked earlier. What does it mean to be alive anyway? Doesn’t it mean being able to see, hear, speak, feel, move, and eat? The answer is NO. It does not mean this. A person who is not doing any of these can still be alive. And someone who is performing all these acts is not necessarily alive, in the real human sense of the word, though he may biologically be included in the biota.

I was alive in that dark quiet hospital room. I was alive without being able to move, feel, eat, drink or move. I was alive because I could think. I was alive because I was wondering whether I was alive or not. I was alive because I was trying to figure out what the hell to do. I was alive because I was trying to gain some perspective. I was alive because I was trying not to get scared. I was alive because I was trying not to cry. I was alive because I was trying to think.


And that’s what I have learnt. Life means trying. To do something is God’s job. We can only try. Even for those of you, who do not believe in God, let me explain that every single act of yours is governed by so many different variables that are completely beyond your control that believe me……all you can do is try. To try is to live.

Anyone who realizes and is thankful for all the resources he has and plans to use them in the best possible manner is trying. Conversely everyone who keeps whining about the resources he does not have and blaming his fate or luck or the society or the man in the moon for that, is merely crying.

Now for those who are in the habit of crying, I have no sympathy, or any words of advice. I am only concerned about those who are trying, or trying to try, or trying to try to try. For you, I have my whole life, all my experiences, all that I have learnt. Because its these kind of people who teach me a new lesson everyday and I owe them. So, my first advice to you is, learn to distinguish between the triers and the criers. Learn from the former and avoid the latter. In my opinion, life is a cycle. You try, if you fail, you try harder, if you succeed, you try for something better and so on. Make sure that when you die, you are trying for the next step not waiting for the next miracle.


Let’s admit it; there are situations when we just do not possess the courage required to tell the truth. In such situations we regularly choose to lie instead of facing the consequences of truth. Given the sad but true fact that few, if any, of us are above such small weaknesses, I can give such liars a break and not blame them too much. But what about the lies we regularly tell and which serve no serious purpose at all.

1. Someone expecting us calls and asks how long we will be. If we think it’ll take us half an hour to get there, we instinctively say “Fifteen minutes!” ignoring the fact that had we been 45 minutes away, we would have just as easily said “Half an hour!” Are we just making the other person feel better this way?

2. When the host asks us if we want to have dinner, we reply “No! I am not hungry” or
“No ! I just ate” even if we have not eaten anything for hours and would love a meal. Is this some sort of courtesy?

3. A call wakes us up in the middle of a satisfying nap and the caller asks “I hope I did not disturb you!” and we conveniently reply “No, not at all” when we feel like killing the person. Are we being polite?

4. In various professional situations, we shamelessly promise stuff like “I will give it my 110%!” Of course we know what we promising is mathematically impossible. Are we exhibiting our sincerity?

5. When a caller asks us “Pehchana!” we say “Yes! Of course!” just hoping that a few more words from him would help us recognize the voice. Are we showing our intimacy with the person?

6. We go to a funeral or a Qul etc, and habitually say “bara afsos hua!” even if we hardly knew the deceased and weren’t even sure he was alive till now. Are we following some custom?

7. We meet someone for the first time and even if he or she fails to leave any impression whatsoever on us, we say “Pleased to meet you!” Are we being civilized?

8. When someone criticizes a third person, we feel this uncontrollable urge to tell him that that fault does not lie in us, even when we are pretty sure of the opposite. Are we trying to avoid being insecure?

9. When a classic and critically acclaimed book or movie is under discussion, we make it a point to stress how much we liked it, even if we hated it or completely failed to see the point of the whole thing. Are we being cultured?

10. And lastly, when our spouse or partner says “I love you!” we almost always respond with “I love you too!” without thinking, without even knowing what the phrase exactly means and even if what we feel at that time is anything but love. Are we being romantic?

I don’t know but I feel the answer to all ten questions above is the same. No! We are lying, we are just being liars.