A few days after my accident, I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. I guess any other person would have woken up with a jerk, but with all my body paralyzed and my head, the only part I could move, pinned with huge weights drilled into my skull, I was in no position to do anything with a jerk.
Anyway I woke up to a pitch dark room. I could not see anything. I could not move a muscle or feel a thing. I could not hear a sound. I was not allowed to eat or drink anything. And my throat was so dry that I could not speak a word or produce a sound either. As for breathing, in hindsight, I guess I must have been breathing, but at that time, I was not sure. So, I simply lay there and wondered if I was alive. Because what does it mean to be alive anyway? Doesn’t it mean being able to see, hear, speak, feel, move, and eat? Plants are alive too but then, at least they are growing, getting nutrition, reproducing and according to some scientists, even feeling. I was not doing any of these things, or at least I wasn’t conscious of any of them.
But I was alive. Without doing any of these things, I was alive. And now I know the answer to the question I asked earlier. What does it mean to be alive anyway? Doesn’t it mean being able to see, hear, speak, feel, move, and eat? The answer is NO. It does not mean this. A person who is not doing any of these can still be alive. And someone who is performing all these acts is not necessarily alive, in the real human sense of the word, though he may biologically be included in the biota.
I was alive in that dark quiet hospital room. I was alive without being able to move, feel, eat, drink or move. I was alive because I could think. I was alive because I was wondering whether I was alive or not. I was alive because I was trying to figure out what the hell to do. I was alive because I was trying to gain some perspective. I was alive because I was trying not to get scared. I was alive because I was trying not to cry. I was alive because I was trying to think.
I WAS ALIVE BECAUSE I WAS TRYING.
And that’s what I have learnt. Life means trying. To do something is God’s job. We can only try. Even for those of you, who do not believe in God, let me explain that every single act of yours is governed by so many different variables that are completely beyond your control that believe me……all you can do is try. To try is to live.
Anyone who realizes and is thankful for all the resources he has and plans to use them in the best possible manner is trying. Conversely everyone who keeps whining about the resources he does not have and blaming his fate or luck or the society or the man in the moon for that, is merely crying.
Now for those who are in the habit of crying, I have no sympathy, or any words of advice. I am only concerned about those who are trying, or trying to try, or trying to try to try. For you, I have my whole life, all my experiences, all that I have learnt. Because its these kind of people who teach me a new lesson everyday and I owe them. So, my first advice to you is, learn to distinguish between the triers and the criers. Learn from the former and avoid the latter. In my opinion, life is a cycle. You try, if you fail, you try harder, if you succeed, you try for something better and so on. Make sure that when you die, you are trying for the next step not waiting for the next miracle.