I sometimes feel that he has this funny tendency of taking things too seriously. At other times, though I think he has a serious problem, he finds everything funny;

Is he the only one in this population of around seven billion who wants to be unique in a manner that he wants to be just like everyone else…..only better. Is he the only one who wants to be different and wants everyone else to be different just like him?

Does he really think that thought is useless? Does he imagine that we live in a world where imagination has no place? He gave a long speech the other day on the complete futility of words. He convinced the audience that no one can be convinced. The audience was so thrilled when he proved that any sort of appreciation is generally counter-productive, that they applauded for a full minute.

I think they all believed him when he said that belief is a mirage. They loved his idea that philosophy and ideas are the domain of the impractical and should be ignored. In the end, he was hailed as a hero and they promised to follow him to the ends of the earth because they trusted him. They were in awe of this man, who was so different from all the others; who hated being a leader and said that awe was the hobby of weak minds.

No day, not even a moment is like any other before it. We just don’t have the time to notice. We wake up every day groaning about the monotony, the tediousness of life and fail to realize the variety and adventure lying dormant in every single moment of every single day. Moments pass with unfathomable speed and with every passing second we change. And we are never the same again.

Ten Questions

1. When you are trying to be different and everyone else is trying to be different too, aren’t you actually trying to be the same?

2. When we say something is exactly two feet long, are we sure it is less than 2.00000001 and more than 1.99999999 feet? If not, aren’t all measurements actually estimates?

3. Can it ever be empirically proven that something does not exist?

4. When protests against violence turn violent, aren’t the protestors protesting against themselves?

5. If someone claims that he does not care about the society and wants the society to praise him for this, isn’t he negating his own claim?

6. If you imagine the world exactly as it is, are you living in the real or the imaginary world?

7. Can reports that claim there are Weapons of Mass Destruction in a country, when in fact there aren’t any, be called ‘Intelligence’ Reports?

8. Is a person intolerant if he cannot tolerate intolerance?

9. Why don’t languages have different words for different things? (Why turn right, that answer is right, human rights, pagan rites??) I mean there are infinite possible words, aren’t there?

10. Why did I include this question? Couldn’t I have just changed the title to nine questions? And why is this called ten questions anyway, when there is actually more than one question at serial no.2, 9 and 10?

Be thankful, be careful

He was an ordinary man like you and me; spending his days in agony. There were moments when he was happy; but he wasn’t sure if it was deliverance or ignorance or simple denial. He knew that any permanent solution to his troubles continued to evade him. He searched and searched but could not find a way out. And then one day… he heard of a sage, who lived in the wilderness, cut off from his age, alive in a universe of his own. They said he had the answer to everything, so he started on the journey to find him.

It took him a long time but he got there. One look at the wise man and he knew he’d find something here. He got down on his knees and began his list of pleas. “I am fed up, O sage! I can’t take it anymore. I expected so much from life, but it turned out to be such a bore. I am sick and I am sad, I am lonely and I’ve been bad. I have no money, no assets, no place to call my home. My wife doesn’t love me, friends have left me all alone. I have a constant toothache and a nagging pain in my heart, I have built castles of dreams and then seen them torn apart. I know there must be a remedy but I don’t know where to start. O sage! They have told me, you have all the answers. Please help me, O father! Help me get rid of these cancers. Make me free of all my woes, all my illnesses, all my vice. Help me get rid of all my troubles, I want solutions, not advice.”

The sage smiled and asked him to lie down. Then he put his mouth close to his ear. Just before he slit his throat, he whispered only this. “Be thankful for what you have, be careful for what you wish!”

what if nobody knew, nobody cared

What if nobody knew? What if nobody cared?

These are two questions I often ask myself. When I think I have achieved something great…..and when I feel I have messed up. And these questions liberate me.

Ronaldo scores a hat trick. What if nobody knew? What if nobody cared? Would it still matter?

A grown man wets his pants. What if nobody knew? What if nobody cared? Would it still matter? Maybe a little bit (maybe more than Ronaldo’s hat trick) but would it really?

Looking from another perspective, maybe there are some things that would still matter. I gained some teeniest bit of knowledge about myself and the universe I am a part of. What if nobody knew? What if nobody cared? Would it still matter? I think it would.

So, before feeling too great or too small, it would be a nice idea to ask yourself these questions. Maybe it will help you concentrate on things that matter. Maybe it will liberate you.

How to drive

1. Never wear a seatbelt, it wastes time and makes you look silly. And if you have one of those models that keeps beeping if you don’t wear the belt, then insert the belt into the buckle from behind the seat, so that it, in no way, interferes with the freedom of your body to move (or go flying out of the windshield).

2. Never look on either side before getting on a highway. It is the duty of all the other drivers to avoid hitting you; after all, they aren’t blind, are they?

3. Do not stop on a red light unless there’s a traffic warden in sight. Traffic lights are for idiots who cannot decide for themselves when to stop and when to go.

4. When the light turns green, start honking immediately. Don’t even give the driver in front of you enough time to get his car into gear. In fact better start honking your horn when the light is yellow, it saves time.

5. If caught by a traffic warden, never admit that you broke the law. Insult him and try to show him how important a person you are. If that doesn’t work, try begging him, pleading for mercy. Whatever you do, never admit your mistake, pride and respect come and go, don’t worry about them too much.

6. Whenever in a traffic jam, put your car wherever you see enough space for it to fit. Do not think about the future too much, just keeping poking the car in, make new lanes and let the other drivers solve their problems. You just try to get yourself out and home as quickly as possible. Forget speed limits or the safety of everyone else and as soon as you get the chance go as fast as possible.

7. Always throw all kinds of junk right in the middle of the road. Your car is your home, you must keep it clean, let those sweepers take care of the road, what else are they paid for?

8. Always get a DVD player installed in your car and make sure that you have some steamy mujras on, all the time. It is so boring to keep looking at the road while driving, you deserve entertainment.

9. Whenever possible, while watching the mujras, use one hand to keep your phone to your ear and the other to hold your cigarette. As for the steering wheel, you can control it with a part of your hand, even one finger.

10. Try not to use the indicator too much, but if you want to use it, make sure that you keep it on even when you have no intention of turning anywhere, or better yet, indicate that you want to turn left but turn right instead. After all, you have some privacy, why should every Tom, Dick and Harry on the road know what your plans are!

How to drive

1. Never wear a seatbelt, it wastes time and makes you look silly. And if you have one of those models that keeps beeping if you don’t wear the belt, then insert the belt into the buckle from behind the seat, so that it, in no way, interferes with the freedom of your body to move (or go flying out of the windshield).
2. Never look on either side before getting on a highway. It is the duty of all the other drivers to avoid hitting you; after all, they aren’t blind, are they?
3. Do not stop on a red light unless there’s a traffic warden in sight. Traffic lights are for idiots who cannot decide for themselves when to stop and when to go.
4. When the light turns green, start honking immediately. Don’t even give the driver in front of you enough time to get his car into gear. In fact better start honking your horn when the light is yellow, it saves time.
5. If caught by a traffic warden, never admit that you broke the law. Insult him and try to show him how important a person you are. If that doesn’t work, try begging him, pleading for mercy. Whatever you do, never admit your mistake, pride and respect come and go, don’t worry about them too much.
6. Whenever in a traffic jam, put your car wherever you see enough space for it to fit. Do not think about the future too much, just keeping poking the car in, make new lanes and let the other drivers solve their problems. You just try to get yourself out and home as quickly as possible. Forget speed limits or the safety of everyone else and as soon as you get the chance go as fast as possible.
7. Always throw all kinds of junk right in the middle of the road. Your car is your home, you must keep it clean, let those sweepers take care of the road, what else are they paid for?
8. Always get a DVD player installed in your car and make sure that you have some steamy mujras on, all the time. It is so boring to keep looking at the road while driving, you deserve entertainment.
9. Whenever possible, while watching the mujras, use one hand to keep your phone to your ear and the other to hold your cigarette. As for the steering wheel, you can control it with a part of your hand, even one finger.
10. Try not to use the indicator too much, but if you want to use it, make sure that you keep it on even when you have no intention of turning anywhere, or better yet, indicate that you want to turn left but turn right instead. After all, you have some privacy, why should every Tom, Dick and Harry on the road know what your plans are!