Zara Zor Se Bolo

1. Asif Ali Zardari was elected to the office of President of Pakistan without any hanky-panky, through an absolutely constitutional and legal process. And now Raja Pervaiz Ashraf has become the Prime Minister of our country by securing majority votes exactly the way it should be in a democracy. So saarey bolo Democracyyyyyyyyyyyyy zinnnnndabad.

2. Days after Raja Pervaiz Ashraf took oath of office, the Supreme Court has issued a notice asking him whether he is ready to write against the President to the Swiss authorities. So the whole tragicomic drama is about to begin again. Among suo moto notices of all things governmental and some semi-governmental (like Attiqa Odho’s bottles), Arsalan Iftikhar kept amassing wealth and nobody allegedly noticed and the Mians of Raiwind keep getting pardons and allowances. So saarey bolo Judiciaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy zinnnnnnnndabad.

3. Malik Riaz finally (unintentionally or not) exposed the media and we now see a list of anchors on the payroll of this tycoon all around us. Obviously all the anchors in the list might not be guilty of taking money from Riaz, a lot of them might well be on the payroll of others. So khul ke bolo Mediaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa zinnnnnnnnnnnndabad.

4. Lawyers, after gaining the respect of the nation and the international community have become the self-proclaimed defenders of anything they think is worth defending and won’t even refrain from beating up judges, hurling abuses at each other and banning the entry into bars of any lawyer who they think is defending the wrong person. So ye bhee bolo Wukalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa zinnnnnnnnnnnnndabad.

The people of this country, in the meanwhile, sit on their butts and wait for the light to come back. Zara zor se bolo Pakistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan zinnnnnnnnnnnnnnndabad

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Uh-Oh

Alif: The Prime Minister has been disqualified. That is what you call independence of the judiciary.
Bay: Yaaaaay!
Alif: Final outcome of the case against the Chief Justice’s son is still pending though.
Bay: Uh-oh!
Alif: But the CJ will ensure that justice is done. After all, he is the one who convicted a sitting Prime Minister.
Bay: Yaaaaay!
Alif: But there are allegations from certain quarters that the Supreme Court is biased against the PPP.
Bay: Uh-oh!
Alif: However, the allegations seem baseless since the apex Court also took a strict stance against the Musharraf regime. Remember the Steel Mills and missing persons cases?
Bay: Yaaaay!
Alif: Although the Court also dismissed all petitions challenging Musharraf’s constitutional amendments in 2005.
Bay: Uh-oh.
Alif: But after all, they did succeed in teaching Gilani a lesson for ridiculing the Court. He is disqualified from contesting elections for the next five years, I think.
Bay: Yaaaay!
Alif: Did you hear the latest though? Mian Nawaz Sharif and Shahbaz Sharif can now contest elections. High Court and Supreme Court’s earlier decisions have been set aside.
Bay: Uh-oh
Alif: Anyway, I think Pakistan is on the way to better times. Things are looking good.
Bay: Yaaaay!
Alif: All we need is a little effort from the people of the country. People like you have to start taking responsibility.
Bay: Uh-oh.

Who Am I care?

We are but the smallest components of this universe, so small that our existence itself appears to have no more than an infinitesimal role in the grand scheme of things. What happens in far off galaxies or even in stars within our own galaxies or other planets in our solar system has next to no significance in our lives. Then what is important to us? The events around the globe? In our own country? In our city? There is so much going on at the same time that it is difficult to imagine anyone being completely aware of all events that occur at any given time. This is true despite the fact that a number of those unknown events may have serious implications for us. But we don’t know, so we don’t care. Then how do we decide what events are important. Obviously we do precious little to try and gather information that has not been handed over to us on a plate. We restrict ourselves to information that comes to us………….through the media, through people we meet or even through bits and pieces of conversations that we pick up from here and there. And then we decide what is important enough for us to spend / waste our time on. But do we really? I guess we don’t even take that much trouble. We consider important events that we are told are important………by the media, by the people we meet or even by people whose conversations we happen to hear. So, should we trust this information? Is it actually important? Is anything actually important? What about things that we are or at least should be absolutely sure about? Like the fact that it is not a good idea to hurt people or disobey laws or tell lies or commit injustices or make money through illegal and / or unfair means. We don’t need anyone to give us that information or to tell us that it is important. We know. And yet, we don’t. So is anything significant? Are we significant?

10 THINGS I DON’T GIVE A —- ABOUT

1. Whether Dr. Arsalan Iftikhar’s case is actually a conspiracy or not. What I am concerned about though is the terrible state of lower judiciary and the increasing involvement of the higher courts in political matters.

2. Whether Raymond Davis was a spy or just a lowly employee or part of a Grand design. What I am concerned about though is the number of unnecessary deaths on the roads and what the government plans to do about them.

3. Whether Osama Bin Laden was here with the connivance of our agencies or whether he was actually killed or whether he even actually existed. What I am concerned about though is the complete lawlessness prevalent in the country and what plans do we have to improve the situation.

4. Whether the Prime Minister writes the effing letter or not. What I am concerned about though is what our rulers plan to do to make sure that further conflicts between the executive and the judiciary are avoided.

5. Whether Veena Malik is an enemy or just plain stupid or actually justified. What I am concerned about though is what values govern the actions of our media personnel and how we plan to keep things from getting out of hand in this area.

6. Which Indian film flops or which Bollywood actor is going out with whom. What I am concerned about though is where our own industry is headed and what we plan to do to make sure that we produce some quality cinema.

7. What monstrosities the previous government committed. What I am interested in though are clear facts and figures of how this government’s performance compares with the previous one and their strategies regarding the country’s future.

8. Whether PPP or PML(N) is better. What I am concerned about though is if they actually intend to put national interest above personal gain ever in the future.

9. How many people attended any PTI rally. What I am interested in though is the exact clear cut strategy of Khan through which he will attempt to rid us of all evils.

10. Whatever the media is making so much fuss about. I am concerned with things they never seriously discuss.

Alif and Bay; Justice Rules

Alif: Isn’t it terrific? The Chief Justice’s son in Court…..and that too on suo moto notice by the CJ?
Bay: Yes, it’s wonderful.
Alif: It signifies a huge leap forward.
Bay: Yes, the media must be loving it.
Alif: The media?
Bay: Yes. Who else do you mean it’s terrific for?
Alif: For the nation.
Bay: Oh yes! Of course the people who watch TV and read newspapers. Obviously they are the ultimate beneficiaries.
Alif: I meant it is good for the nation because it gives the hope for justice.
Bay: Oh! Of course.
Alif: So you see what I mean.
Bay: Yes yes!…………Well, actually no.
Alif: It is obvious. If the CJ’s son can be called in Court, so can everyone else.
Bay: But didn’t we already get that message when the PM was summoned.
Alif: Yes, but this is different.
Bay: Yes, it is. CJ’s son is yet to be convicted.
Alif: Even if he is not convicted, it sends a clear message that justice rules.
Bay: Ok.
Alif: You don’t agree?
Bay: Of course I do.
Alif: Good.
Bay: So, has the PM written that letter yet?
Alif: No.
Bay: What about his sons? Have they been convicted in those drug and stuff scandals?
Alif: I don’t think so.
Bay: And Moonis Elahi? What became of his case?
Alif: No idea.
Bay: I am starving.
Alif: Ya! Let’s go to KFC.

Alif and Bay; SmsOlogy

Alif: June 5th, 2012 is going to be the sunniest day on Earth. Please save your friends and family from eye and skin diseases. Pass this one to those you love.
Bay: What?
A: Just received this sms.
B: And you passed it to me? Does that mean you love me?
A: I didn’t pass it on. I just read it.
B: Isn’t that passing it on?
A: No, forwarding it to you would have been passing it on.
B: Ok.
A: So, do you think it’s true?
B: What?
A: The sms I received.
B: True? I don’t even know what it means.
A: Hmmm
B: What does sunniest day on Earth mean?
A: I don’t know. Maybe it will be the hottest day.
B: Then they would have written the hottest day. They wrote sunniest day.
A: But we should be careful
B: How?
A: I don’t know.
B: What if you forward it to ten people.
A: What good will that do?
B: Your biggest wish will come true.
A: It doesn’t say that.
B: But that’s the least such messages offer.
A: Hmmm! But how would that save me from eye and skin disease.
B: Haha! Simple! Make a wish that you are saved from eye and skin disease. Make it your biggest wish.
A: You’re crazy!
B: Ha! That’s what I have learnt from the study of sms ology. And what if you don’t forward it to anyone?
A: What?
B: You might get five years of skin disease.
A: That’s bullshit.
B: Maybe……. but you are gonna forward it anyway, aren’t you?
A: Errrr! I don’t know!
B: Hahahahahahaha!