Coming Attractions

I love our political leaders. If nothing else, at least there’s no shortage of entertainment with them around. As elections begin to appear on the horizon, I feel as if we are heading towards the ride of our life no matter who wins. If our leaders’ claims are to be believed, we are about to be pushed right in the middle of a blockbuster horror and/or disaster flick. To make it easier for anyone who wants to cast his vote responsibly, here is a little list of the movies on offer. Make sure you pick the one you want to be a part of.

1. Dekho Dekho Kaun Aya by Mian Productions. A large crowd of people is terrorized by a huge lion and as they run for their lives, a chorus calmly sings in the background “dekho dekho kaun aya, sher aya sher aya!” The movie is supposed to be based on the hitherto unexplored theory that a lion coming into the city is somehow a good thing and it will be really interesting to see how Mian productions goes about proving this. Of course, there is also the possibility that Mian productions has completely lost it and actually does not see that a lion is a dangerous creature.

2. Dawn of the Dead by BZ Entertainment. This film by Bhutto Zardari entertainment revolves around a character that has been dead for more than thirty years but suddenly re-appears amid cheers of “Kal bhee Bhutto zinda tha, aaj bhee Bhutto zinda hai”. As the heroes of the film embark on a mission to kill this un-dead zombie, they face fierce opposition from people who somehow like zombies. Before the interval, the zombie is finally killed, but suddenly his clones start emerging from every single house. That’s where the hit number “Har ghar se Bhutto niklay ga, tum kitnay Bhutto maaro gey” plays in the background.

3. Tsunami by Bera gharaq kar diya Films. As a huge earthquake hits the Arabian Sea, huge waves move towards Pakistan. As some people start running to avoid being drowned, a large number of educated people stay and insist that Tsunami is a great thing. As a few people who have not lost their minds try to explain the horrors of a Tsunami, these members of the civil society calmly reply that Tsunami will only destroy the evil and leave the good unharmed. They also claim that Tsunami waves will wash all the scum away and leave everything shiny and clean.

4. Salaam Salaam by Bhai Entertainment. On a calm and quiet day in Karachi, suddenly songs in the most hideous voice start roaring from all sides. As the public tries to find the source and is appalled to know that the sound is coming from England, panic grips the city and people start getting into a trance and actually begin to like the songs. Soon, the phenomenon spreads country-wide and Punjabis are horror-struck to hear shrieks of Salaam Salaam Salaam Salaam……..

Cast your vote carefully. You’ll be part of one of these movies as a result. Though as things stand probably all these movies will play simultaneously in Coalition Cineplex.

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