Alif and Bay; Intellectual Discussion

Alif: You know what our biggest problem is?
Bay: No.
Alif: It is…..
Bay: Yes
Alif: What yes? You know?
Bay: No.
Alif: Then why did you say yes?
Bay: I said no.
Alif: But before that you said yes.
Bay: After than I said no.
Alif: So which one is it, yes?
Bay: No
Alif: No?
Bay: Yes.
Alif: Are you sure?
Bay: About what?
Alif: About no?
Bay: Yes
Alif: So you know what our biggest problem is?
Bay: No
Alif: I will tell you
Bay: No
Alif: What no?
Bay: Nothing. Yes.
Alif: Should I tell you?
Bay: I don’t know
Alif: Ok I will
Bay: Yes
Alif: Our biggest problem is that we keep having ridiculous conversations over inconsequential trivialities while no major discussion worth anything ever takes place. We are just fond of talking while actually we don’t give a shit about anything but our own petty interests and our own personal needs.
Bay: What?
Alif: What what?
Bay: Sorry
Alif: For what?
Bay: Let’s eat something.
Alif: Great idea.
Bay: I’m starving.
Alif: Me too.

Alif and Bay; Right age for a Harley Davidson

Alif: He bought a Harely!
Bay: So?
A: I don’t believe it.
B: Maybe he didn’t buy a Harley then!
A: Of course he did.
B: Then you do believe it.
A: I meant I cannot believe it.
B: And yet you do!
A: One can’t buy a Harley at the age of 68.
B: And yet he did.
A: There’s an age for everything
B: And what’s that?
A: What’s what?
B: The age for everything.
A: There’s no one age for everything.
B: You just said there was.
A: I meant there is a specific different age for every specific act.
B: So what’s the age for buying a Harley?
A: Between 20 and 40.
B: You’re between 20 and 40.
A: So?
B: Why haven’t you bought a Harley yet?
A: There’s no obligation to buy a Harley if you’re between 20 and 40
B: So you can buy it at 68?
A: No.
B: But you said there’s no obligation.
A: I meant….O forget it.
B: Forgotten.
A: But can you imagine! What will people say when they see a 68 year old on a Harley!
B: Is it important what people will say?
A: It is always important.
B: Then the only way to know what people will say when they see a 68 year old on Harley is to be a 68 year old and be on a Harley. Bravo to him!
A: But there’s an age for everything.
B: What’s the right age for poking your nose into other people’s business?
A: There’s no age for that
B: But you said there’s an age for everything.
A: O forget it.
B: Forgotten.
A: And what about that retired banker across the street
B: What about him?
A: He is 70 years old and I have heard he married a 20 year old girl.
B: That’s great.
A: What’s so great about that?
B: Well, at least he didn’t buy a Harley!
A: But….ok, forget it.
B: Forgotten.

Coming Attractions

I love our political leaders. If nothing else, at least there’s no shortage of entertainment with them around. As elections begin to appear on the horizon, I feel as if we are heading towards the ride of our life no matter who wins. If our leaders’ claims are to be believed, we are about to be pushed right in the middle of a blockbuster horror and/or disaster flick. To make it easier for anyone who wants to cast his vote responsibly, here is a little list of the movies on offer. Make sure you pick the one you want to be a part of.

1. Dekho Dekho Kaun Aya by Mian Productions. A large crowd of people is terrorized by a huge lion and as they run for their lives, a chorus calmly sings in the background “dekho dekho kaun aya, sher aya sher aya!” The movie is supposed to be based on the hitherto unexplored theory that a lion coming into the city is somehow a good thing and it will be really interesting to see how Mian productions goes about proving this. Of course, there is also the possibility that Mian productions has completely lost it and actually does not see that a lion is a dangerous creature.

2. Dawn of the Dead by BZ Entertainment. This film by Bhutto Zardari entertainment revolves around a character that has been dead for more than thirty years but suddenly re-appears amid cheers of “Kal bhee Bhutto zinda tha, aaj bhee Bhutto zinda hai”. As the heroes of the film embark on a mission to kill this un-dead zombie, they face fierce opposition from people who somehow like zombies. Before the interval, the zombie is finally killed, but suddenly his clones start emerging from every single house. That’s where the hit number “Har ghar se Bhutto niklay ga, tum kitnay Bhutto maaro gey” plays in the background.

3. Tsunami by Bera gharaq kar diya Films. As a huge earthquake hits the Arabian Sea, huge waves move towards Pakistan. As some people start running to avoid being drowned, a large number of educated people stay and insist that Tsunami is a great thing. As a few people who have not lost their minds try to explain the horrors of a Tsunami, these members of the civil society calmly reply that Tsunami will only destroy the evil and leave the good unharmed. They also claim that Tsunami waves will wash all the scum away and leave everything shiny and clean.

4. Salaam Salaam by Bhai Entertainment. On a calm and quiet day in Karachi, suddenly songs in the most hideous voice start roaring from all sides. As the public tries to find the source and is appalled to know that the sound is coming from England, panic grips the city and people start getting into a trance and actually begin to like the songs. Soon, the phenomenon spreads country-wide and Punjabis are horror-struck to hear shrieks of Salaam Salaam Salaam Salaam……..

Cast your vote carefully. You’ll be part of one of these movies as a result. Though as things stand probably all these movies will play simultaneously in Coalition Cineplex.

Where are the people?

Where are the people who want to be something? Where are those who want to constantly improve? All I see around me are people who are desperately trying to justify whatever they are or whatever they are not. People who have achieved something keep saying things that have only one aim: to show that there success was not a fluke, that they actually deserved it. Of course there are also those that go to even greater lengths trying to show that it was actually a fluke, this type seems apologetic for being successful or rich. And this habit of theirs convinces more people of the opposite of what they are trying to prove.

On the other hand, those who have not been able to do much or be much in the world keep insisting directly or indirectly that it is not their fault. They spend their time either trying to show that they were victims of bad luck or some conspiracy or trying to establish that the ones who did succeed are nothing more than flukes.

Where are the people who want to keep trying, keep improving and not give a shit about whether their success or failure is justified? Where are those who live rather than spend all their life proving that they deserve to live and forgetting to live in the process?