I request all those who are easily offended not to read this as they might not find this in the best of tastes.

About a month ago, the Pakistan Telecommunication Authority (PTA), on a high after banning porn sites across the country, was contemplating the imposition of a system that would ban the use of certain words on sms. The move was aimed at eliminating (or at least reducing) the use of obscene or, in simpler terms, dirty words in sms, but the list of words proposed to be banned gave numerous people a good laugh. Inclusion of words such as ‘Athlete’s Foot’ and ‘Taxi’ were made the target of cynical jokes even in the international media.

I don’t support the PTA’s idea at all, not because of any problem with intention, which is no doubt is noble, but because of the seeming impossibility of the task. I believe that you cannot prevent sexual or vulgar words from coming up in any kind of communication since the list of such words seems never-ending and more alarmingly, always growing. What amazes me is the number of words that have actually come to have pornographic meanings when they were originally innocent and totally well-meaning. How did we end up attaching something vulgar with the most harmless of words? And when will we stop? It is funny how more and more words keep getting sexual second meanings, a fact that would make you think that sex is the most important thing for us and it is even funnier how we continue to label all these words vulgar after they have been given a sexual meaning. Remember the old poem we used to know when we were kids, “Billi boli meeaaun; Kya mein andar aaoon; Murgha bola No; Bahar ja ke so.” Now let me translate that for you. “Pussy said meow; should I cum inside; Cock said No; go sleep outside.” See? Now how vulgar is that!

I wish to go back to the world that made sense. The world where pussy meant cat, where cock meant a rooster, where gay meant happy, taxi meant a cab, phat jana meant getting torn, khul jana meant opening, lena meant to take something, dena meant to give something, chick meant a chicken, sex meant gender and so on. I know we can’t go back in time, so let’s hope we somehow stop turning normal words into indecent language because this is too funny and doesn’t make any sense.

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