Six people we must recognise as exceptional

1. To be an award-winning actor, you must know how to act, or how to dance or at least have some meaningful dialogues. —- Katrina Kaif is an exception.

2. To win the Nobel Peace Prize, you need to have done at least something for world peace (And sending troops into a sovereign country does not count). — Barrack Obama is an exception.

3. To give religious sermons, you need to know the art of speaking and the science of religion. — Junaid Jamshed is an exception.

4. To be a religious leader, you must stay away from at least a few of the things forbidden in that religion. — Maulana Fazl-ur-Rehman is an exception.

5. To host a successful TV show, you need some talent other than thinking that you are the best host in the world. — Sahir Lodhi is an exception.

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Ten sentences that you will never see on Facebook

  1. ABC and millions of other people have started using THEIR BRAINS
  2. Rulers and people are now friends.
  3. XYZ likes her husband and 14 other men.
  4. XYZ hates his wife and 14 other men.
  5. Some application is requesting that you don’t let it access your private information because it is dangerous and idiotic.
  6. List of people you might know but not give a shit about.
  7. Status: What important or meaningful thing that makes some sense is on your mind?
  8. Meera likes (and understands) Nietzsche and 10 other philosophers.
  9. Someone you have never heard of has commented on a photo of a stranger that one of your friends was tagged in and you had absolutely nothing better to do than comment on it earlier.
  10. Satan is now friends with the President and 500 other politicians.

 

Ten Things you will never hear on news channels

1. The head of our Channel has just admitted that he is an Indian Agent.

2. Nothing much happened today.

3. The Prime Minister has just said that the government is unstable and might fall any day.

4. The government has just announced that they have fucked up…….again.

5. A suicide stabber killed himself with a knife in a busy market in Peshawar today.

6. Leader of the opposition has clarified that principles have nothing to do with politics and such filthy concepts must not be mentioned in his presence.

7. Chairman PCB has finally said something that makes sense.

8. Police have actually caught a terrorist today……I swear!

9. And we must remind you that this news was broken first by our rival news channel.

10. A commission has given its clear findings in a week and government is already doing something about them.

Boo!

I don’t know much about the philosophical prowess of Franklin D. Roosevelt but I think he was spot on when he said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” It is not a principle of life that we have to try and follow. It is almost a law of nature that we have to realize that we follow whether we know it or not.

Remember when we were kids and how some of our siblings, cousins and friends used to raise hell whenever we scared them with a single BOO in a dark room. The boo did not hurt them, it just scared them, and they hated being afraid, even when they soon realized that the Boo was otherwise harmless. Unfortunately, nothing changes as we grow up. We live in perpetual fear of death, sickness, pain, injury and what not!

I used to think, and now I completely believe that all these supposed calamities are nothing but big scary BOOs. So, maybe the only thing we have to do is not care about our brat cousins or any other similar power in the universe. If you choose not to fear loss or pain, it might not be any guarantee against losing or getting hurt, but one thing is certain. If you stop being afraid, you will not be afraid. And won’t that be some life.

I can almost hear some disagreeing voices, saying that it is not in their power to decide that they won’t be afraid anymore. I would simply say that you just have to realize your power. To those who refuse to realize this power, my answer is …….BOO!

 

Ten Things God should have told men and women

WOMEN

1. You can find the keys in your bag by looking inside it instead of fumbling for them.

2. The people in movies are just acting, they are not actually dying of cancer.

3. Men are not magicians, they cannot tell what you want unless you tell them.

4. It is not normal to remember every other woman’s dress in great detail.’

5. There is a rear view mirror and two side mirrors in a car and they are not for decoration.

6. A mess has to be created before you can clean it up. Be thankful to those who help satisfy your desire to clean up.

7. Secrets, by definition, should not be told to anyone, regardless of whether the fact that they are secrets is communicated too.

8. Your children are not the prettiest in the world, its just your motherly illusion.

9. Men who don’t lie are stupid and those who lie and get caught by you are pitiable.

10. Males of every species are more attractive. Look at lions, peacocks……and men.

MEN

1. You are not God!

2. A lie does not become the truth no matter how many times you repeat it.

3. Having the remote in your hand does not mean that you should change channels continuously.

4. Having an organ in your pants does not mean that you should use it for a brain.

5. If stuff was supposed to be on the floor, closets would not have been invented.

6. It looks stupid when you go crazy if some team from the other end of the world wins a match. Nobody from that team even knows you.

7. Ladies’ Tennis is not all about legs, there is also a racket and a ball.

8. When you think you are using a woman, it is actually the other way around.

9. It is okay to make a fool of yourself when trying to impress a woman but always have the guts to admit that you are the one who is being made a fool and mostly you still fail to impress her.

10. Your mother is not the only smartest woman in the world, its just your sonly illusion.

Ten people we should never watch a movies with

  1. Someone who has watched the movie before and is a compulsive spoiler who keeps telling you what’s going to happen next.
  2. Someone who has watched the movie before and is not a compulsive spoiler but keeps saying, “watch what happens next” or “look, look this is a good one” as if you were looking somewhere else.
  3. Someone who does not like watching movies or likes it only so he could criticize everything in them as if he was Oliver Stone’s lost twin.
  4. Someone who is not good at listening or does not understand the language well and keeps asking you “What! What did he just say?”
  5. Someone who is too proud of being good at listening or knowing the language and keeps telling you what he just said.
  6. Someone who eats during the movie and makes such loud crunching sounds that no one knows what he just said.
  7. Someone who is continuously reminded of similar events in his own life by different scenes of the movie and wants to share his great experience with everyone.
  8. Someone who wanted to watch another movie and keeps telling you how that would have been better.
  9. Someone who is too dumb to understand the jokes or twists in the script and makes you feel silly when you are laughing or being surprised.
  10. Someone who is having too much fun watching the movie and not only disturbs you but makes you pity him for having such a sad life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ten things we hope that an angel won’t say to us on the day of judgement

1. And now let’s see if you go to heaven, or as it is now called, OBL Land.

2. You! You come over here. The rest go join the line with the Prophets.

3. You will have to wait, your life has not been passed by the censor board yet.

4. Hey! You lucky guy, God has asked all the people still waiting to come over for your judgment, your life is by far the most entertaining yet.

5. Hey Gabriel! Come see what this guy believed in!

6. I wonder how God will judge your life. You actually didn’t have any.

7. I am so sorry, Heaven is full. But we do have a lottery……….

8. There is a two hour break now. We’re all going to Satan’s for lunch.

9. Okay your turn! Now decide quickly, heads heaven, tails hell.

10. God??? Who is that?